I Thought I Wanted to Be a Teacher. I Was Wrong.
My (failed) teaching journey
What Do I Want to Do With My Life?
A few years ago, I found myself in a place where I was seriously wondering what I should do with my life. I had graduated from college with a degree in history, and I was working in an office where I had managed to work my way up to a supervisor position. I had job security and financial stability, but I still couldn’t help feeling like I was just a cog in the machine. I was desperate to find a job that would provide me with purpose and fulfillment.
The only reason that I majored in history during college was that I could never figure out what I wanted to do career-wise, so I figured I should choose a major that I was at least interested in learning about. With that in mind, I started to ponder the idea of teaching. If history class was always my favorite subject in school, why not become a history teacher? What could be more rewarding and fulfilling than teaching?
I set out on researching the requirements for becoming a teacher in my state. In Nevada, teachers must hold a bachelor’s degree in education. However, there is a program for people like me who hold degrees in other fields called the Alternative Route to Licensure program. It’s a graduate school program that requires earning a master’s degree in education in order to obtain a teaching license. I was a little bit hesitant about the idea of going back to school for a master’s degree because of the time and money — especially because teacher salaries are notoriously low — but I ultimately decided to apply for the program and was accepted.
Substitute Teaching Fiasco
While I was waiting for my first semester of the teaching program to begin, I decided to apply for a job as a substitute teacher with the school district so that I could gain some classroom experience.
My first day as a substitute teacher was eye-opening, to say the least. I had picked up a job at a middle school, and I realized I had no idea what I was doing the second the students started coming into the classroom. I had heard that substitute teaching was hard, but I was hoping the stories that I heard were worst-case scenarios that had been exaggerated. I was wrong.
I knew nothing about classroom management. All of my teachers in school had made teaching look easy, but this wasn’t the case. It was as if the students could sense my lack of experience and fed off of it. My classes that day were all around 35 students each, and my biggest problem right off the bat was just getting them to quiet down to hear me give instructions. I have a quiet voice, and I have always hated raising my voice. I tried speaking as loud as I could, but with the noise of 35 students talking excitedly to each other, it felt impossible to get through.
I introduced myself awkwardly at the beginning of each class period and then walked around the classroom passing out the assigned work to students. As I passed out the assignments, I told each student that they had to work on it quietly by themselves. They didn’t. Instead, the assignments ended up balled up on the floor or left on the desk completely blank. I was in shock. I didn’t remember this happening when I was in school.
During the course of the day, I had multiple students leave to go to the bathroom and never return. I had students throw pencils, books, and wads of paper at each other. I had students completely ignore me when I told them to take a seat or stop talking. It was complete chaos. The teacher next door came into my classroom with a look of shock on her face because she could hear the commotion from her classroom.
As the bell rang for the last class period of the day to leave, one student decided to grab a stack of papers by the door and throw them in the air before running out. I felt embarrassed and defeated at the end of the day as I picked up papers off the floor while trying to hold back tears.
When I got home, I was left with a hoarse throat and sore feet. I knew that substitute teaching was different from being an actual teacher, but I was still left feeling like a failure. I continued to work as a substitute teacher, and while I learned some classroom management techniques that helped a little bit, I still had my share of bad days. More often than not, I was coming home feeling completely exhausted and drained.
A Taste of Teaching
One of the schools that I substituted a day at had asked me if I was interested in filling a vacancy position that they had at their school for a 7th grade history class. Vacancies happen when schools aren’t able to fill an open teacher position, so they have to fill the position with a substitute teacher until they are able to hire a licensed teacher. Substitute teachers are expected to do everything a regular teacher would be expected to do. I accepted the job, and I worked in the vacancy position for six weeks up until my teaching program began.
This was the most valuable experience for me in my teaching journey because it allowed me to experience what being a teacher was like in its entirety, and “holy cow” are the best words I can think of to describe it. The six weeks that I spent working as a teacher were the busiest weeks of my life. The thing about teaching is that the actual classroom teaching part is hard work and a job in itself, but it’s only the tip of the iceberg of what teachers’ responsibilities are. Lesson planning, meetings, grading, and communication with parents are all happening behind the scenes.
Lesson planning
I had no idea the amount of time and work that went into creating lesson plans. I spent hours scouring the internet for ideas, preparing materials for the lessons, and writing up the actual lesson plans that had to be specifically formatted and submitted to the school administration.
Meetings
There were so many meetings. Staff meetings, grade-level planning meetings, professional learning community (PLC) meetings, Response to Instruction (RTI) meetings, Individualized Education Program (IEP) meetings, committee meetings, and meetings with learning strategists. These meetings were usually held before the school day started or during prep period, meaning even less time for planning and preparing lessons.
Grading
I had an average of 35 students in each of my 5 class periods. That means every time there was a graded assignment, I had to review 175 assignments and enter all of the grades into the grading system. This was another task that took me hours.
Parents
Communication with parents is a huge part of being a teacher. I regularly received emails from parents with questions or concerns that I had to promptly read and reply to. There were also occasional meetings with parents.
Teaching Program Begins
By the time I started my teaching program, I had already had a chance to fully experience what being a teacher was like, and I was left full of doubts and second guesses. I was hoping my first semester of the teaching program would provide me with some sort of experience that would change how I felt. I was desperately looking for some sort of sign or feeling that would give me assurance that teaching was right for me. Spoiler alert: I didn’t find it.
The first semester of the teaching program included the college classes that I attended in the evenings and then a practicum where I was required to spend two days a week with an assigned mentor teacher. My classes at the college were full of other students like me who were switching careers and coming from office jobs.
My mentor teacher taught 8th-grade geography, and I was expected to observe and co-teach his class. He was a nice guy who genuinely cared about his students. He had only been teaching for two years though, so I was a little disappointed that I didn’t have a mentor teacher with more experience. I created lesson plans, taught the class, graded papers, and attended meetings. I got to do all of the things that I had already done, but now I was able to do them under the close guidance and direction of an actual teacher.
I also had the opportunity to observe some of the other teacher’s classes at the school, and I was able to listen in on the teachers’ conversations with each other at lunch. The opportunity to be a fly on the wall in an experienced teacher’s world was invaluable to me. I wondered if the struggles that I had were just problems from inexperience and if things would get less bumpy down the road.
But what I learned was that even the most experienced teachers don’t have perfect classrooms. They have students who act out, fight with each other, don’t turn in their assigned work, and disrupt the class. And even the most experienced teachers are stressed out and overwhelmed with the workload of lesson planning, grading, and meetings. My first semester (and ultimately my last) made me feel the same way that I did while I was substitute teaching — drained, overwhelmed, and doubting if teaching was right for me.
Why I Quit
Teachers are known for being selfless individuals who dedicate their lives to shaping the minds of the future. They’re known for putting up with low pay and difficult conditions because they love their jobs so much. I wanted to be like them, but I had to come to terms with the fact that I just didn’t have that same perseverance and passion for teaching. I had just started my teaching journey, and I was already burnt out. I felt like I was a bad person for not loving it more.
I desperately wanted to feel that passion, but I couldn’t get past the feeling of being overwhelmed, stressed, and chaotically busy all of the time. I developed a sense of dread and anxiety when I thought about going into the classroom each day. It was just too much for me to handle. I knew that I would never be happy teaching and had to make the tough decision to end my teaching journey.
I had put so much time, money, and effort into what I had thought was going to be my dream career, so it was difficult to come to terms with the fact that it just wasn’t for me. While my failed teaching journey felt like a huge loss at the time, I can look back at it now and realize that it was a necessary part of my life journey. I had to go through that experience to figure out it wasn’t for me.
